Fear of Failure

It is now that time in my life to make the transformation from child to adult.
I can no longer sit on the sidelines, using only my brain to get me through.
I can't squeak by anymore, barely capable of standing up and doing what needs to be done.
The time has come,
but I am so not ready for it.

I am now supposed to take that giant leap into the world of adulthood.
The day in and day out, same bullshit routine,
pay the bills, pay the bills,
skate by in life.
Barely clip the lines.
Cut back here to throw some in there.
Lack of food.
Lack of faith.
Lack of truth.
And this is what I am getting myself into.
Then it's going to be hell.
Work, school, study, sleep.
This will mean NO life for me.
But what kind of a life will I have anyway?
I don't go places and meet people.
So here are my fears for the future ahead.

Someone just hand me a contract to sign my life away,
because I'd rather make music day in and day out,
tour the world,
sell records,
and get paid for my passion,
than to be stuck in a pathetic little life like the rest of my wonderful family.
Pondering when the right time is exactly to off myself,
because suicide seems to be a trend with the ones who don't have children.

I crave more than this place can give.

Life... Huzzah!!!

Exposition!

Is that all this is?

Ok, just kidding, but here we go.
I am going to try to put myself in super mode.
Yeah, it sounds like something out of a Super Mario video game, but hey, if I can be super from ingesting a magic mushroom then woohoo!!

Ok, I'm kidding again, but drug jokes entwined with video game jokes... ok maybe I'm a nerd.
Back to the point then...

Super mode...
Meaning, things have been good for about a week.
Strange happenings of last week turned into a rather positive experience for me, thus putting me into a more positive state of mind. My state of mind thus effects the rest of my life of course. We all know how this works... and if not, you probably shouldn't be reading this anyway.

I am going to start working quickly to be finished soon.
I need out, and finishing is the only way to get out,
so here we go.
I will do what is needed, and I will do it soon, and quickly, and stop being a damn bum.
I need life to kick in.

I realized I have been putting things off because of this fear I have.
A constant nitpicking fear of failure.
I don't want to go out on my own and fall on my ass.
I am above that.
Yet I still fear it.
I know myself, and I am rather susceptible to stress, and I let it get to me a break me down, and I can't do that anymore.

So someone needs to start kicking my ass to do these things so I will be sure to do them.
I fell off the track because I lost all my reasons.
Someone give me a reason, even if that reason is simply to get you to leave me the hell alone about it.