"Perfect Despair"

Those two words keep sticking in my head.
When this type of thing happens,
When words like that get stuck in my mind and I can't seem to get them out,
My first instinct is to write.

(Not blog.)

But no words can describe my tragedy.
No words could ever tell you how I used to hurt.
How I used to be so afraid.
How I try to accept one of the worst things ever to happen to me.

How would you cope if your worst fear came to pass?
Because one of my worst fears,
The fear of losing my one and only,
It happened.

No one knew and no one will ever know how much it frightened me.

So I did what I could to continue.
And now, without much effort on my part at all,
I continue.
But now there is this permanently empty spot inside me.

My light has gone away,
and with it went all other things I had to comfort me in the dark.
But now all this time has passed,
And my eyes have adjusted.
I have forged weapons of my very own for protection,
but still I remain in shadow.

This emptiness,
This loss of a soul,
Loss of life,
Now it's all I know,
And it is all I can see of my future.

I think "Perfect Despair" sums it up pretty well.