A Letter To A Loved One

I think I have found the root of my problem.
Yes, you could say I watch too much TV, but that's a poor excuse and so far from the mark.

"You live as if the world is as it should be."

I live as if the world is as I always thought it should be.
It's just one person's view, but it's been many years of viewing the darkest places of the earth, that I can see the world only as it is, and as I think it should be.
I have no place in this world because of how I think it should be.

Another step away from the truth and I may just abandon you.

I turned my back on this long ago.
When the rest of the world turned it's back on me.
I have accepted my place.
My place of being alone.

I'm sorry, I just don't play those games anymore.
Those little tricks of the mind.
Most people never know what happens to them.
I knew it all along.
I just went along with it.
I just went along with you.
I just went along to be left behind.
And it's all ok.
I'm ok.

I am the recipient of a small piece of lustful love,
hidden at the brink of humanity,
in the vaguest of dark places,
in the vast recesses of my mind,
and everytime I find it...
I am even more alone than I was before.
Because I once lost everything I had.
And have still yet to gain anything back again.
A sense of self.
A sense of belonging.
A place.
A reason for being.
A reason to continue other than having no other option.

Yet I am ok.
I am alive,
and I will be ok.

And with every immortal breath I take,
I will think of you.
I will remember you.
I will remember you as you were and not as what you became.

And with every immortal breath I take,
I will love you as I always have,
and I will love you as I always will.